haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
