Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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