I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
