I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
