she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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