If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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