I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
