She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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