so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
