WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
