Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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