she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
