$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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