I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
