i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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