You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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