He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
