he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
