I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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