He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
