my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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