He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
