I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize