I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Success! We fucked roommates!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
