I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
