I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize