So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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