the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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