Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
