I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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