I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
