I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
