Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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