I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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