FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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