You're so nebulous sometimes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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