anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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