i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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