how do flat chested girls get laid?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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