Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
