I will die if light touches me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
