I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
