I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
