dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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