I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
