My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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