shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dear god my vagina.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
