U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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