So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
