So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize