Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
