i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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