Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize