I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize