I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize