wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
