Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
