she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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