There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
