fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
