"it" just moved
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
