Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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