Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
