look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Randomize
