She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He? As in you personified your dick?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
