I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize