i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
