i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
