for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
