If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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