The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
