I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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