No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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