A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The struggles of a small town man whore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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