i think my mom watched the whole time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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