Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
