Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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