Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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