dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
