Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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