Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
