had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
