the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
