my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
