Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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