I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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