i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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