i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
