it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
