That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
