escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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