I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
