I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
