We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
