6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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