no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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