you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
