I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
